i never learn

even as a child, i've befriended self-absorbed, jealous, possessive people, people who want me to want them to be my everything, people who treat me as though i am their mother. and you know what? i'm over it. it seems like being a good friend to these kind of people only makes their behavior worse. you can make decisions without me. you don't need to hear my opinion on something to convince yourself that you're right. if i hang out with other people, i'm not replacing you, and you sure as hell can't tell me that i can't hang out with someone. i'm tired of having to tiptoe around these people and i'm tired of having to sugarcoat everything, because, even though they insist that they are strong and can handle when someone tells them some unpleasant truth, they can't. i'm tired of not being able to express how happy i am about something without being brought down by whatever bullshit problem these people are "dealing with" or having the entire conversation turned back to them. i'm tired of the attempts at making me feel guilty (newsflash: it doesn't work). i'm tired of being their therapist, analyzing their baggage, telling them why they feel a certain way. it's draining. they leave me with no energy to deal with my own problems, and if i can't help myself i sure as hell can't help anyone else.

i sometimes wonder what it is in myself that attracts these kind of people over and over again. perhaps i am too willing to listen and too willing to help. i don't know. i do know this, though - i'm done.