if i remember i'm a liar

relocating

2011-05-17T23:48:00.000-07:00

deuces, loureedindeed. click through for totheharbormaster.

(don't mind the weird polish title, my new blog is ~in transition~)

μελαγχολία

2011-05-17T00:06:00.000-07:00

nina simone covering hall & oates' "rich girl"

james arthur, "the land of nod"

2011-05-16T18:18:00.000-07:00

Growing up, I barely knew the Bible, but read
and reread the part when Cain drifted east
or was drawn that way, into a place of desolation,
the land of Nod, there to begin, with a wife

of unknown origin, another race of men,
under the mark of God. As a boy, I thought Nod
would be a place where the blue scillas
would bloom gray, a country of the rack and screw,

the serrated sword, where the very serving cups
were bone. As a grown man, I’ve heard that Nod
never was a nation—of Cain’s offspring, or anyone—
but a mistranslation of “wander,” so Cain

could go wherever, and be in Nod. Far more
than in God, I believe in Cain, who destroyed
his own brother, and therefore in any city
could have his wish, and be alone.

_{from the may 2011 issue of poetry}

can we just talk about the end of "all about u" by 2pac when snoop dogg's talking because it's the funniest thing

2011-04-30T16:21:00.000-07:00

I'm tellin ya, it's the same ol' shit
I mean.. god damn, youknowhatI'msayin?
I'm sittin back, watchin' Montell Jordan video
I see the same bitch, who was in, my homeboy Nate Dogg video
Then I flip the channel
I'm checkin out my homeboy 2Pac video
I see the same bitch that was in my video, yanahmsayin?
And then yanahmsayin what make that even mo' fucked up
I'm watchin a Million Man March
And I see the same bitch, on the Million Man March
That was in, the homeboy Warren G video!
I mean, damn, everywhere I look, everywhere I go
I see the same ho
Don't get mad, I'm only bein' real
Yeah

p.s.

picture me lollin'

barbarossa

2011-04-28T16:47:00.000-07:00

barbara lewis, "hello stranger"

2011-04-27T18:46:00.000-07:00

_LOL

hey so i know a lot of you are experiencing warm weather (77 degrees in los angeles today) and because of this you need to get a slurpee, specifically a mix of blue lightning blast, pina colada and a liiiiitle bit of fanta cherry. i had this today and all of a sudden i dgaf about the heat, which obviously means that there's valium in it or something (so maybe don't get it if you're sober?)

rainer maria rilke, "for the sake of a single poem"

2011-04-27T13:07:00.000-07:00

...Ah, poems amount to so little when you write them too early in your life. You ought to wait and gather sense and sweetness for a whole lifetime, and a long one if possible, and then, at the very end, you might perhaps be able to write ten good lines. For poems are not, as people think, simply emotions (one has emotions early enough) - they are experiences. For the sake of a single poem, you must see many cities, many people and Things, you must understand animals, must feel how birds fly, and know the gesture which small flowers make when they open in the morning. You must be able to think back to streets in unknown neighborhoods, to unexpected encounters, and to partings you had long seen coming; to days of childhood whose mystery is still unexplained, to parents whom you had to hurt when they brought in a joy and you didn't pick it up (it was a joy meant for somebody else); to childhood illnesses that began so strangely with so many profound and difficult transformations, to days in quiet restrained rooms and to mornings by the sea, to the sea itself, to seas, but it is still not enough to be able to think of all that. You must have memories of many nights of love, each one different from all the others, memories of women screaming in labor, and of light, pale, sleeping girls who have just given birth and are closing again. But you must also have been beside the dying, must have sat beside the dead in the room with the open windows and the scattered noises. And it is not yet enough to have memories. You must be able to forget them when they are many, and you must have the immense patience to wait until they return. For the memories themselves are not important. Only when they have changed into our very blood, into glance and gesture, and are nameless, no longer to be distinguished from ourselves only then can it happen that in some very rare hour the first word of a poem arises in their midst and goes forth from them.

okay rilke, but...memories of women screaming in labor? WHY

i've been brushing up on mid-to-late 19th century european history like it's my job (will read bismarck speeches for ~~food~~ cigarettes). after i finish this new bismarck biography i want to read a biography of benjamin disraeli, former british prime minister, mostly because him being a jewish poet statesman is both really weird and really awesome to me. there are so many biographies on my "to read" list. in contarini fleming, disraeli advises one to read "nothing but biography, for that is life without theory." after my adorno/agamben/barthes binge (still going on btw), it feels good to get back to biography.

last night i watched an episode of daria ("lane miserables") and during the scene where daria's watching trent leave for his date "everlong" by foo fighters started to play and now i can't stop listening to it. when i listen to it i feel like i should be wearing flannel and complaining about how my parents totally suck while spending their money at the mall and drawing that weird "s" in my notebook a million times. all while wondering, of course, "if everything could feel this real forever." or does that come later, post-adolescence? so deep, i know.

also someone on a rap forum i just found (lol) called dylan thomas a sell-out. DON'T HATE THE PLAYER HATE THE GAME

you shall above all things be glad and young

2011-04-24T19:20:00.000-07:00

the best thing about this weekend was salsa dancing at eight in the morning to "don't you worry 'bout a thing" with a guy who quoted rimbaud and neruda to (at?) me

Wait thirty years, & then look out over the earth!

2011-04-17T22:29:00.000-07:00

_{g.g. allin getting his swerve on}

something that bummed me out (a new york times article about middle-aged ladies who don't want to have sex with their husbands a.k.a. my future as a woman or so every publication ever likes to tell me [dear god NO]) and something that cheered me up (mark twain's letter to walt whitman in celebration of whitman's 70th birthday and human achievement).

five songs i've been really into lately which all happen to be by ladies/lady-fronted bands:
1. the tammys, "gypsy" (omg the photo for this track, I AM SO SORRY)
2. shannon and the clams, "you will always bring me flowers"
3. marine girls, "tonight?" (impossible to find on youtube, sorry)
4. lil' kim, "queen bitch"
5. the waitresses, "pussy strut"

there's a line in lil' kim's "queen bitch" that i find myself taken aback by whenever i hear it: "got buffoons eatin' my pussy while i watch cartoons." what about when some go-gurt commercial featuring dancing tweens comes on (as it inevitably will)? FUCK NO.

also hey dad if you're reading this please stop

one of the many odd things that happened this weekend

2011-04-10T17:39:00.000-07:00

as i sat at the bus stop friday night, feeling incredibly frustrated and alone, a man came up to me and asked if i was "working or just waiting for the bus." i told him that i was just waiting, and then it hit me - this dude thinks i'm a prostitute. he went on to say that if i was selling, he was buying and that he had a place nearby. i smiled and shook my head. eventually he started to cross the street, then stopped, and jogged back to give me a bus token - "i bus all the time but you can have this." i took it, thanked him, and he walked back across the street and turned the corner.

2011-03-13T17:11:00.000-07:00

_{hitler performing various gesticulations commonly employed during his speeches in front of personal photographer heinrich hoffmann}

"if an illusion creates the correct reaction, does it matter how much artifice and fakery went into creating it? does any artifice and fakery automatically become genuine the moment it provokes a genuine reaction?"
- from "hamlet extreme" by molly lambert

THE GREATEST STORY EVER TOLD VIA SONG

2011-02-19T11:36:00.000-08:00

SHE MADE US DRINKS
TO DRINK
WE DRUNK 'EM
GOT DRUNK

we fought so hard against the small things that we became small ourselves

2011-02-16T11:58:00.000-08:00

last night i did some night-biking to barnes & noble to buy theodor adorno's aesthetic theory. i couldn't find it so instead i bought his minima moralia: reflections from damaged life (even though i found the full text of it online last week). i'm excited to start it. what i got from descriptions and some light skimming is that it's basically a debbie downer response to aristotle's nicomachean ethics, which interests me. it seems that all i read anymore is theory, philosophy, and poetry. i didn't do the whole "youthful idealism" thing in high school so i guess i'm doing that now.

speaking of idealism can we take a minute to acknowledge echo park boyz and their fucking byronic hero complexes. i see y'all.

anyway i want this coat:

all my time i spend it with you now

2011-02-14T19:13:00.000-08:00

i've spent a lot of time feeling indifferent towards grizzly bear but this weekend i listened to this at sunrise, in my underwear, while smoking cigarettes and drinking a forty and it was the absolute best thing

a process of individual museumification

2011-02-06T13:30:00.000-08:00

roi vaara, the artist's dilemma, 1997

"the secret story is the one we'll never know, although we're living it from day to day, thinking we're alive, thinking we've got it all under control and the stuff we overlook doesn't matter. but every damn thing matters! it's just that we don't realize. we tell ourselves that art runs on one track and life, our lives, on another, we don't even realize that's a lie."
from "dentist" in last evenings on earth by roberto bolaño

also, for those interested, i found a translation of "the first infrarealist manifesto" (infrarealism was a poetry movement started by bolaño in mexico city during the 70s). rimbaud, come home!

no more naked popcorn

2011-01-31T09:58:00.000-08:00

"chick music"

i want everyone to know that i texted in that last post. TECHNOLOGY but also SOCIAL MEDIA REFERENCES.

one surefire way to know that i will dislike someone is when he or she (usually he) says, "i only listen to real hip-hop." often the person will go on to complain about the only good rap is old rap, how commercial and vapid hip-hop is now, and how lil b fucked their bitch, all while i'm trying not to roll my eyes and/or throw my drink in their face like i'm on a vh1 reality show. are you fucking serious? and what the fuck is "real hip-hop?" i've found that these people are either paid dudes festival-attending backpack rap enthusiasts ("i only listen to immortal technique, atmosphere, jedi mind tricks, aesop rock, etc.") or people who don't listen to hip-hop at all except for enter the wu-tang (36 chambers) and whatever biggie songs ratatat remixed. that's some deluded "return to normalcy"-type shit. i guess i just get annoyed with any kind of pining for "the way things used to be." hindsight is supposed to be 20/20 but i think the rose-colored glasses of nostalgia fuck up the acuity of vision in most instances. i'm not saying i don't get caught up in the snarls of nostalgia, because i do - often, in fact - but i always try to remember that however good things "back then" seemed, it probably wasn't all that bomb.

which brings me to my personal lexicon crisis. kurt brought up my usage of the word "bomb" the other day and now whenever i say that something is or is not "bomb" i get self-conscious. do i really say it enough to where it's noticeable? like, if someone was making fun of me would it include frequent usage of the word "bomb?" geoff says yes. i'm feeling very slang 2000 and it's a problem.

brb going to find the raver love of my life but first i'd like to tell you that daytime temperatures have once again dipped below 70 degrees and THIS BITCH is going to comfortably all-black everything the fuck out of this day

2011-01-31T00:19:00.001-08:00

i just made a sandwich while drunk. it didn't take an hour, i'm pretty sure i put all of the condiments away, AND i'm blogging about it. #iguessthisisgrowingup

from the beretta puttin' all the holes in ya sweata

2011-01-26T09:59:00.000-08:00

oh my god, yoga - how could i forget? i don't consider myself concerned with either fitness (i like to temper long bike rides by smoking several cigarettes and/or eating ice cream while pedaling) or spirituality (a quote from freud's civilization and its discontents - "i cannot find this 'oceanic' feeling in myself" - comes to mind whenever i ponder spirituality or religion) but i fucking love yoga. i'm a pretty tense person - never give me a massage because i've found that they're exercises in futility concerning either romance or relaxation - but yoga relaxes me more than almost any other activity. and have you ever smoked a cigarette after a yoga session? that is the closest i've come to a religious experience. i ecstasy of st. teresa all over the fucking place.

i think i'm going to start using works of art as verbs more often.

this past week: getting a phone, missed connections but not the craigslist kind, john ashbery in conversation with kenneth koch, waking up at either 3:30 or 4:30 a.m. for absolutely no reason and spending an hour trying to fall back asleep, being disappointed with the february issue of poetry magazine, root vegetable chips, jason lint, crazy people, actually wanting to see new movies (the king's speech, the rite), leaving my flask in megan's car part ii, trying to give water to random girls peeing/throwing up in the shadiest part of downtown ever at 2 in the morning but being yelled at for it, realizing that if i'm fucking someone i'm probably unhappy with their hair

the age of innocence, or, being accidentally burnt by cigarettes

2011-01-19T11:03:00.000-08:00

it is impossibly bright outside, i low-key love "tea for two," that "bliss" excerpt is kind of my life right now (minus the being thirty part; also i never really want to "run," ever), i've been wondering about who has been "the best communist [leader]" in history thus far and maybe because of this i've also been thinking about reading das kapital (but not in public because attracting fifteen-year-olds is not a good look, and neither is marxism [ohhhhhh]), i'm not really into the whole "coachella" thing (maybe it's because i don't have any denim cut-offs?), i've discovered that i hate showering from noon-6 p.m., and i guess i like basketball but i'm not 100% ready to admit that yet

wear silk stockings with golden seams

2011-01-19T09:38:00.000-08:00

and live (highly recommended):

i've always wondered if it was "bawl all night" or "ball all night" (the fourth entry) but given that it's about a prostitute it's probably the latter, yeah?

ALL WE WANT IS YOUR MONEY: a power pop/punk youtube video triumvirate

2011-01-18T11:07:00.000-08:00

the eat, "kneecappin"

they must be russians, "psychoanalysis"

the cigarettes, "you were so young"

n.s. no sell out

2011-01-18T09:45:00.000-08:00

"huffing lighter fluid"

bryan lewis saunders did some drugs and drew self-portraits while under the influence of said drugs. insert "lololol" here

so some looter stole a statue, some guardia di finanza dudes caught wind of it and caught homeboy loading the statue into a lorry. it turns out that it came from caligula's previously-thought-to-be-lost tomb and now excavations are underway. i'm excited to see what kind of crazy/awesome shit caligula wanted lain to rest with him. maybe that horse?

i've been getting a lot of "i miss you" messages lately which only confirms what's been in the back of my mind: i've been a shitty friend. i've been so wrapped up in what-fucking-ever (adding music to geoff's itunes library, reading poetry magazine, not wearing pants, tumblin', drinking whiskey and water and yelling about movies) that i barely hang out with or talk to a lot of my friends anymore. the other day kurt was talking about his "bubble" and how he does the same things in the same places with the same people, and it made me think about my own "bubble," even though it's really more of a rut. i've been so used to doing the same shit that it's become problematic trying to include other things or people into my routine. not having a phone has obviously made my already poor out-of-sight communication skills worse. i still don't want to get a phone - it's nice not being on call 24/7 - but this selfishness obviously has consequences.

leopard-print trench report: i wore it regularly until the the weather started sucking (read: 80 degrees in january; hell for me, awesome for everyone else) and i had to walk to chinatown from echo park carrying it which upset me so now it's crumpled up on the floor

anyway, barney's is having a fucking 75% off saleeeeeeee

2011-01-10T12:25:00.000-08:00

roberto bolano is officially one of my favorite authors btw

money, hos, and clothes

2011-01-06T10:57:00.000-08:00

speaking of clothes (sort of), last winter i bought this ridiculous trench, wore it once or twice, decided i hated it, and hung it up in a distant part of my closet. i guess i've had a change of heart because every now and then i'll see someone in a leopard-print something and think, "hm, i kind of miss that trench." because i'm so small it looks a bit like i've been swallowed by a leopard but i think i can get down now. new year's resolution: all velvet/leopard everything. just kidding. sort of.

2011-01-06T10:45:00.001-08:00

cvs, can you please do me a favor and stop only stocking those fucking shaping tights? if i wanted to wear biker shorts with my tights i would. i don't care if my ass is looking a little out of control KEEP YOUR JUDGEMENT OFF MY THIGHS

also last.fm radio i want to thank you for not playing the chopped 'n screwed version of "one day" by ugk for once

always was, always is, and always will be

2011-01-06T10:08:00.000-08:00

i will never get over how bratty gg allin sounds in this song

i know you guys are over all the art shit i post but i have to mention ben davis' short article on the rise of art news and the state of art criticism. I HAVE TO.

geoff and i watched howl last night. my qualms: the animations, the score, how they made it seem like the second part of the poem was the end (still have a soft spot for "carl solomon! i'm with you in rockland where you're madder than i am"), the candles in the bottles of chianti during the cafe scenes (SO BEAT), how every other scene seemed to be a recreation of a pre-existing photograph. i suggest you just read the poem, watch a ginsberg interview on youtube, and listen to miles davis' kind of blue. it'll be infinitely more rewarding than watching that movie.

a bunch of links that i posted on my facebook that my friends dgaf about apparently, part ii

2011-01-05T12:23:00.000-08:00

$ "women or wine? monogamy and alcohol" from the american association of wine economist (what) - a paper on the rise of monogamy and the decline of alcohol consumption within polygamous societies.
$ fetuses can't feel pain for at least the first 24 weeks of gestation, so stop feeling so guilty about your abortion
$
for all my worrying about the current state of art, i am actually pretty excited for this
$ this spoof of kanye's video for monster is pretty good
$ ennio morricone is composing ringtones for lg and i am upset for some reason

BONUS LINKS THAT I DIDN'T POST ON FACEBOOK
$ evening will come, a new poetics journal
$ liked that independent journal you flipped through at barnes & noble but couldn't pay $25 for it? maybe it's at no layout
$ these old people are really pissed off about drive-by photographers at the louvre
$ adam smith is better than barbara ehrenreich and ayn rand but apparently college reading lists don't get down
$ the guardian presents the ten best fictional hangovers

the red and/or black

2011-01-05T10:23:00.000-08:00

i'm finally giving baudrillard's the transparency of evil: essays on extreme phenonema a proper go after buying it, reading a couple of chapters, and setting it aside for the newest acme novelty library a couple of years ago. it's fucking me up, royally. baudrillard articulates my own fears concerning THE CURRENT STATE OF ART and it's only worried me further. par exemple:

"when everything is aesthetic, nothing is is beautiful or ugly anymore, and art itself disappears...no matter how marginal, or banal, or even obscene it may be, everything is subject to aestheticization, culturalization, museumification. everything is said, everything is exposed, everything acquires the force, or the manner, of a sign*...most present day images...are literally images in which there is nothing to see. they leave no trace, cast no shadow, and have no consequences...our images are like icons: they allow us to go on believing in art while eluding the question of its existence."

the italicization is my own and that above bit is a mash-up of passages spanning several pages and chapters. anyway i haven't finished it yet but all i can think about is, well, what next? i'm trying to avoid reading the transparency of evil as a doomsday, "the end is near!" kind of piece (believe me, it's a struggle) and instead am choosing to see our current state of "transaesthetics" as a positive thing. while i agree to some extent that the art world today is in a kind of stasis, i certainly do not believe that it is permanent (stability is never permanent; if economic history has taught me anything it is this). at one point baudrillard states, "the implication is that we have returned to the cultural stage of primitive societies." i'm honestly failing to see this statement as negative as baudrillard has made it out to be. i guess i see this as a chance at a creative blank slate, an opportunity for new representational modes to emerge, and more importantly, new ideas. so fuck a stasis. artists, fight on, your time ain't long.

...i don't know where the fuck that came from but if you read all of it i commend you.

lastly, on the previous year: 2010 was the year of free e and being boy crazy and i'd be a fucking fool not to notice the correlation between the two. being a girl and getting free shit is cool and all but holy fuck do i ever need to chill out in 2011.

_{*baudrillard uses the word "sign" here to represent the third part of his value system, the structural aspect}

'member when you spilled coke all over your blouse?

2010-12-30T00:32:00.001-08:00

also, it's winter/50-something degrees outside but for some reason i can't stop listening to this song:

ALLSONGSFORFREE

the innernet

2010-12-30T00:19:00.000-08:00

i'm sleepy and it's only half-past midnight, i hate wine

p.s. i went there: http://threewords.me/lundun

relax yourself girl, please settle down

2010-12-28T19:56:00.000-08:00

a 1.5 liter bottle of this shit is on sale for $5.99 at cvs:

can someone tell me when exactly i'm supposed to stop drinking like a tenth grader trying to stretch the last bit of her allowance

"it's really hard being so self-aware."

2010-12-26T10:33:00.000-08:00

eating a skinny cow ice cream sandwich earlier (the only ice cream sandwich available at the time, leave me alone) made me realize that i AM a skinny cow

by the way they're pretty bad ice cream sandwiches

YES

2010-12-23T21:04:00.000-08:00

I GOT A VELVET SKIRT Y'ALL MY WARDROBE IS COMPLETE

brb gonna go eat great kahn's mongolian bbq, watch the the real housewives of beverly hills and get too drunk at a party

this post is so full of bad taste, i love it

carl jung, on hitler

2010-12-23T12:14:00.001-08:00

"hitler seemed like the 'double' of a real person, as if hitler the man might be hiding inside like an appendix, and deliberately so concealed in order not to disturb the mechanism...you know you could never talk to this man; because there is nobody there...it is not an individual; it is an entire nation."

i'm so full of quotes lately but i loved that

juvenal*, from satires x

2010-12-22T23:34:00.000-08:00

"now that no one buys our votes, the public has long since cast off its cares; the people that once bestowed commands, consulships, legions and all else, now meddles no more and longs eagerly for just two things - bread and circuses."

_{*not to be confused with the equally eloquent louisiana rapper juvenile}

what you know about that

2010-12-22T11:36:00.001-08:00

hey i know all about that

a bunch of literary links that i posted on my facebook that my friends dgaf about apparently

2010-12-22T10:57:00.001-08:00

$ walt whitman's journal and his imaginary conversations with abraham lincoln (this nigga) via the new york times' excellent civil war blog (that you should be reading), disunion
$ the paris review's "art of publishing" interview with robert giroux (i'm such a hypocrite)
$ f. scott fitzgerald died seventy years ago today in los angeles (sup), so here's audio of him reading an edited version of keats' "ode to a nightingale:"

in more low brow news, i discovered that the 7-elevens in my neighborhood still carry 4 loko and this made me inordinately and embarrassingly happy, i am still craving pasta/noodle dishes 24/7, and coolio has a "jugalo" tattoo but i think i was the only one who didn't know about that

she breaks my heart in a thousand different ways

2010-12-21T12:31:00.000-08:00

Mike Wallace: When you mention people like Ethel Barrymore, Tallulah Bankhead, is it the fact that you're all performers? Is that what you have in common?

Billie Holiday: They're not performers, they're actresses, artists. I wouldn't put myself in the same room.

Mike Wallace: You wouldn't put yourself in the same room with them? You've worked as hard, you've thought as much about it. You've developed a style, a technique. Why not? Why don't you feel that you have the same quality, why are you not such an artiste as them?

Billie Holiday: Maybe I am in my little way. My god, they make me cry. They make me happy. I don't know if I've ever done that to people, really.

i don't need love, i've got my band

2010-12-20T16:37:00.000-08:00

listening to the radio dept. makes me think of being fourteen and walking to school in the rain. it's been raining for the past seven years (three days) in l.a. so listening to lesser matters on repeat is in order. and if you don't know, now you know

real talk

2010-12-20T11:03:00.000-08:00

"i am sure there is something unexplainably and mysteriously sacred about the valley, something including evil."
- john cage in a letter to pauline schindler, 1935 (via the excellent art journal east of borneo)

observations

2010-12-20T10:58:00.001-08:00

alcohol is a ridiculous thing; as such, i am a ridiculous thing when i consume it

haven't posted a poem in a while - part two of "mayakovsky" by frank o'hara

2010-12-19T22:47:00.000-08:00

I love you. I love you,
but I’m turning to my verses
and my heart is closing
like a fist.

Words! be
sick as I am sick, swoon,
roll back your eyes, a pool,

and I’ll stare down
at my wounded beauty
which at best is only a talent
for poetry.

Cannot please, cannot charm or win
what a poet!
and the clear water is thick

with bloody blows on its head.
I embrace a cloud,
but when I soared
it rained.

doesn't matter much to me as long as it's dead

2010-12-18T13:45:00.000-08:00

i just realized that i missed the FREE off!, oh sees, and nobunny show at the strange last night. why? i was asleep. ASLEEP. whenever i sleep over at my friend's house we end up sleeping forever. it's the weirdest thing. i don't usually sleep that much but when i'm there it's like i took a bunch of xanax and the only things i can do are lie down, peel tangerines, and turn records over. i never know what time or day of the week it is this and the next thing i know kurt is cooking the healthiest thing i've eaten all week and i'm swigging white wine from the bottle and mid-swig catch the time on the microwave clock to learn that holy shit, it's fucking 3 in the morning two days later and i've wasted my entire early weekend being a house cat. i did go out once yesterday morning, though - 7:30, to buy cigarettes. i immediately felt ridiculous when i noticed that, while i was pretending to be horrified by kurt imitating the crow's walk from looney tunes and getting piggy back rides, there were kids out in uniform walking to school. few things make me feel as terrible as being outside and drunk while people are heading to school or work. it's like i'm cheating or something.

before hibernating i went to see a bunch of films inspired by the leonard cohen album new skin for the old ceremony. they were pretty cool as a whole but my favorite was for "lover lover lover." i don't think the video exists on the internet yet (i know right) so you'll just have to trust that it was good.

HOLY SHIT YOU GUYS

2010-12-15T23:31:00.000-08:00

I'M DONE
I DELETED ALMOST TEN GB OF MUSIC
FARE THEE FUCKING WELL

the lecture last night was great. patton oswalt was late but very funny ("there was a hipster spill, flannel all over rowena ave.; i've never seen so many paramedics rolling their eyes." cheap joke but low key i laughed) and paul levitz, jim lee, and geoff johns were fucking awesome, very insightful and knowledgeable (obv). i learned a lot. of course, the nerds were out in full effect. one mustachioed guy hogged the mic for about ten minutes hassling the panel about collecting - "DO ANY OF YOU OWN THE FIRST SUPERMAN?!" there was also an old guy with the most amazing coogi sweater. all i could think was, "he probably doesn't even understand." understand what, i don't really know, but i'm sure he didn't.

(by the way, i kept the soundtracks to tony hawk's pro-skater 1 and 2) (never forget)

also: tonight, at the hammer

2010-12-14T13:15:00.000-08:00

hammer lecture: "75 years of dc comics"

harlem, "south of france"

2010-12-14T13:10:00.000-08:00

do i call the gas man and tell or do i just go back to sleep?

psychedelic tits

2010-12-14T12:59:00.000-08:00

metro rail construction at 7th and flower, 1989, from the los angeles times archives

one mo 'gin

2010-12-14T02:51:00.000-08:00

WAIT ALSO how low-key foine is ian svenonius? actually he's kind of weird-looking but i like it.

okay, time to continue rereading walden; or, life in the woods ("beware of all enterprises that require new clothes" is basically the reason why i will be unemployed forever) for the millionth time and go to sleep and hopefully not wake up in four hours

that's what christmas means to me

2010-12-14T02:13:00.001-08:00

i should really be more discerning when it comes to who i become friends with. this was definitely the year of giving people the benefit of the doubt and you know what? that shit did NOT work. that said, this year's bullshit made me realize that i do have some wonderful friends, more than most, and for that i am grateful.

NEWAYZ i'm organizing my itunes library while also making a mix for a ~boy which means sifting through over 100 gigabytes of music, deleting all of max's trance and played out, early-00s hip-hop that i gave up on trying to get rid of the first time around and re-discovering a lot of my high school jams. i'm actually really excited about it - doing a thorough clean-up job means that i'll be able to more easily navigate itunes. it also means that i won't have to explain to someone going through my library that i actually hate u2 and had no idea that there were TWO FULL U2 ALBUMS (what the fucking fuck) on my computer while hastily deleting them.

also can we talk about how google voice is saving my (social) life right now

2010-12-09T18:41:00.000-08:00

last night xena, her dad, and i hung out in xena's room. we popped his blackheads and talked about alcoholic fathers, the army, weed, boys. then we scarfed down a ton of in-n-out and i harassed/flirted with people on the internet and then fell asleep still wearing my jeans.

life.

peace piece

2010-12-06T01:55:00.001-08:00

all i want is dishes, big noodle dishes

this weekend was really nice, compared to how weird and kind of fucked up last weekend was. echo park-based, again (also did you know that after a certain hour the 217 bus continues down sunset to downtown? i only have to take one bus to and from echo park now, which is fucking sweet and significantly cuts down on my "sitting in the cold in the middle of the night" time). i hung out with a really cool guy, drank a 40 (it's been a while), talked about books and music, ate healthier meals than i have in probably about a month, talked about my aversion to fitness, slept a lot. that all sounds boring as shit but i swear i had a good time. now i'm home and i'm eating grapes, watching a program on the military channel about wwi, and trying to make sense of what my life has been lately. i feel almost as though things haven't just been "weird," but rather how i've been feeling and what i've been doing is what's in store for the next indefinite amount of time, which is to say that this is just the way things are going to be. i guess this coincides with the fact that i finally feel twenty-one, whatever that means. perhaps it's because i've been doing things that adults do - opting for wine instead of sprite at restaurants, wearing heels, contemplating making my own mozzarella. these are things i've been doing for a while, actually, but now it all feels completely right.

i'm stoked for the "creating a museum collection" ~public engagement (what) at the hammer on the 10th and off!, thee oh sees, nobunny, and white shit at thesex on the 17th. other things too but it's fucking two in the morning and that's what on my mind right now. oh man also dollar dog day at the stand tomorrow, it's been SO LONG.

lonely comin' down

2010-12-01T09:48:00.000-08:00

everything is bumming me out except for this album

it's got to be accepted

2010-11-26T19:45:00.000-08:00

(the what) the life is hectic

things i realized while in the filet area for a week

2010-11-16T16:52:00.000-08:00

berkeley sucks, oakland is awesome, i kind of miss having a bike, disguising my boredom is impossible but also makes me come off as really unfriendly (which i guess i am, actually), all black everything forever, and something to keep in mind while packing: less clothes, more books.

IT'S GEOFF'S 21ST BIRTHDAY!

2010-11-06T17:20:00.001-07:00

so obviously i'm at his house and in his stoner poncho alone doing my laundry, drinking his sprite, and possibly sacrificing his cats

so cute

2010-11-05T16:22:00.000-07:00

also i'm on a roller coaster

hemingway and balzac

2010-11-02T20:56:00.000-07:00

today i voted in a persian rug shop at eight in the morning, where i spilled hot chocolate on a $5000 rug and my copy of the economist and overheard someone intending to vote for carl sandburg. hm.

anyway, here's "an epidemiological study of rave attendance and drug use patterns among adolescent students," if you're into that kinda thing.

the interzone

2010-11-02T15:46:00.000-07:00

i don't care for charles burns alllll that much - i didn't like most of black hole - but his latest graphic novel x'ed out looks pretty good. i enjoy hergé's comics so it'll be interesting to see a sort of re-imagined tintin.

also, acme novelty library #20 is in stock at secret headquarters zomggg

i want you to love me like i'm a hot pie

2010-11-02T00:35:00.000-07:00

i had a fun although hectic halloween weekend, the reigning phrase being "a lot of": a lot of parties, a lot of dresses, A LOT of whiskey, a lot of geoff & i singing "only girl in the world" by rihanna, a lot of burger king, a lot of daylight unseen.

i'm really surprised that i didn't lose anything this weekend, aside from, i suppose, my mind

the power of negative thinking

2010-10-30T16:00:00.000-07:00

all i can think about is jameson + hot apple cider and burger king double stackers and i somehow have the feeling that monday will be the worst, most hungover day of my life

also, tonight, among other things:

2010-10-24T01:10:00.000-07:00

so i'm sick. i'm a sickly person and that's just the way it is (things'll never be the saaame). this bout of sickness has been brought on by my poor(er than usual) sleeping habits, mostly on the weekends. i've been substituting "adequate sleep" - which, for as long as i can remember, averages out to about five hours of sleep a night for me - for double shots of espresso and living like that is taking it's fucking toll. i've gone through two and a half boxes of tissue today and i can't taste anything and i buttoned my coat incorrectly earlier which NEVER HAPPENS unless i'm sick. i'm pretty over it but i guess i'll get a lot of reading done. maybe i'll work on i will pull my balls out RIGHT NOW. i probably won't.

also holy fuck halloween in a week, i'm not ready

stuff i'm reading #4?

2010-10-20T18:30:00.000-07:00

$ the spring 2010 issue of mome
$ the october 26th-22nd issue of the economist (mostly online because i left the physical copy at xena's or on the bus or something)
$ slavoj zizek, living in the end times
$ jughead's double digest #163
$ the paris review interviews vol. ii
$ the december 2010 (?) issue of cook's illustrated
$ the october 2010 issue of the believer
$ roberto bolano, antwerp
$ the fall 2010 issue of esquire: the big black book
$ the summer 2010 issue of gastronomica

BE YOUNG AND SHUT UP

2010-10-19T05:12:00.000-07:00

today i noticed that most of the people i have ever befriended have been very talkative.

it's five-something in the morning and i'm still awake despite knowing that i have a stressful morning ahead of me. i see an americano in my future, but also tumblr messages, halloween-themed sugar cookies, hoop dreams, plane rides, bad news.

2010-10-18T19:30:00.000-07:00

also, two dreams i somehow had this weekend

2010-10-18T00:43:00.000-07:00

1. i was hanging out with some friends outside of grand central market downtown. a few stores down there was some kind of red carpet event happening. we moved closer and xena (or spencer or someone, i can't exactly remember) tackled me and i fell into snoop dogg's leg, who was at the time posing for a photo with p. diddy. he scowled at me but for some reason i still leaned onto his leg and my friends started to chant "snoop dogg" (à la "i wanna rock").

2. wandering around some office building off of wilshire and westwood blvds, i walked into a room which happened to be a dentist's office and met slavoj žižek, who was pacing the floor while waiting for his appointment. we went out into the hallway and i told him that i was currently reading living in the end times and asked him questions about the puppet and the dwarf. his wife came out to remind him about his appointment and i return to the waiting room i guess i was hanging out in earlier in the dream (?) to find a piece of paper with my name, žižek's number, and his name on the top of a file cabinet. the rest of the dream is kind of fuzzy - we start having an affair somehow and i go over to his house in west l.a. a lot (the fuck) and eventually his wife catches him cheating. there was more of the dream after that but i can't remember it.

cool dreams bro

this weekend

2010-10-17T23:50:00.000-07:00

ya done snooked

bonding moments, the 76 bus, chinatown bars, perfect cups of tea, peeing on the side of an alhambra 7-eleven, the ice cream only diet, burberry trench coats, gas moné, tacos al pastor, vintage store bedrooms, molester slow rolls, inadequate sleep, drag me to hell, being tackled while cradling a 40 oz., the awesometown food truck festival, greek salad-thieving pugs, "what do you do with your friends?" "...i don't have any friends," waiting in line for two hours for kimchi pork belly sweet potato french fries and vegan chili cheese fries, a free 4x6 portrait (thx walgreen's), the new issue of esquire, usc parties, meeting the cat love of my life - twice, "that fat russian sno-cone," they reminisce over you (bridgeport marketplace bristol farms), a brooklyn russell brand, misting, starburst candy for breakfast, camel 99s because they're always on sale, snoop dogg posters, my first dog attack I WANT TO SLEEP FOREVER

BOYS

2010-10-10T17:20:00.000-07:00

that's all i have to say

recent text messages received

2010-10-07T01:50:00.000-07:00

Bang dem shits wit a spiked bat

THESE ARE MY KIDS. THEY ARE OF MY SPERM.

Was it those marvelouse rocks that did him in?

NET NEUTRALITY SEEMS PRETTY IMPORTANT just like that

German class just took a racist turn.

blawg

Run past them and yell hate crime

capitalists just don't understand

There is a birth control commercial about saving your panties from "unexpected bleeding"

D:

This month's calendar cat is very seductive.

DRUIDS ARE NEITHER GAY NOR NIGGAS.

Also lol suck it christians

And chlamydia.

I'm taking a shit in a Korean shopping mall

Oh dude the first guy I gave a blowjob to was wearing an everyone loves a jewish boy shirt.

got some free percocet so I chillin

Question mark.

HEY I'M ONLINE

I hate all these stupids.

TOO STONED NINTENDO [sent at 9:59 a.m.]

cool journey bro

Yes there is sprite

Gods like I'M OVER IT its over

Yeah lil hoochi

And I hate u, just fyi

Just had two beers, kinda tipsy. Who am I, london washington?

I'VE BEEN SO EMOTIONAL LATELY

2010-10-07T01:27:00.000-07:00

no but for real

emerica

2010-09-22T22:25:00.000-07:00

late this afternoon, while waiting for some photos to develop, i went to a hole-in-the-wall smoke shop/cafe and talked about travel, judaism, americanos, my handwriting, literature, nymphomanical drug addicts, red girl's bicycles, the economy, raising children, sickness, and various other things. today was a very good day for conversation.

CHEESY FRIES FOR DAYS

2010-09-20T13:28:00.001-07:00

geoff & i are making cheese sauce today courtesy of the recipe created by the brilliant j. kenji lopez-alt from serious eats' food lab. so stoked. also if you like burgers you should definitely check out their burger blog, a hamburger today.

i'm always walkin' after midnight

2010-09-18T14:33:00.000-07:00

"this gallery is basically a vagina with a dj. it's so warm & moist in here" - text i sent to a friend last night

last night i went to the opening of mr. bill murray, an exhibit of, yeah, bill murray-themed art. it was insanely packed - i couldn't see about half of the art because people seemed to think it would be a good idea to situate their groups right in front of the wall like some sort of defensive line. someone grabbed my ass and i saw a guy in a ghostbusters costume wolf down a taco which was really weird to me for some reason. i saw as much art as i could, downed my two drinks, and got the fuck out of there to smoke a cigarette on the sidewalk, talk to a bunch of dudes in matching motorcycle jackets, and semi-drunkenly make my way back across downtown.

tonight i'm going to dirk skreber's opening at blum & poe (my favorite gallery in los angeles) and thennn somehow making my way halfway across the city to go to the "please remember everything" opening at actual size. or maybe i won't. somehow i'd forgotten how exhausting art openings are - i always feel as though something has been taken away from me. i've also noticed that i end up saying either "fuck art" or "fuck people" at least once. whatever IT'S COMPLICATED

dj paul, "grab my mask"

2010-09-18T14:10:00.001-07:00

early three six mafia

i've visited the island of jocks and jazz

2010-09-17T01:17:00.000-07:00

i spent all afternoon drinking wine in the sun and when i got home i made vague plans and then fell asleep for seven hours. now i'm awake drinking orange juice and watching a commercial featuring some of the worst party dresses forever 21 has to offer and women in their mid- to late-30s trying to be really, really sexy. ug. i wish i hadn't woken up.

p.s. i guess art season starts up this weekend, whatever that means

this post brought to you by real talk

2010-09-16T00:56:00.000-07:00

sometimes when i'm reading the blog/tumblr of some boring person i know i freak out for a second and think, "holy shit what if i'm as boring as they are?!" then i calm the fuck down and realize that that is fucking impossible

OH SHIT ALSO

2010-09-15T19:15:00.000-07:00

I MADE LASAGNA IT'S BAKING RIGHT NOW FUCK YES EVERYTHING'S GREAT

there's nothing more reassuring or comforting than the smell of your own nuts

2010-09-15T19:09:00.000-07:00

something i learned today: pastrami reubens are best consumed sober.

a good album i just got:

nippon girls: japanese pop, beat & bossa nova 1966-1970

sometimes

2010-09-09T03:47:00.000-07:00

i wish i didn't know certain people so i couldn't randomly think about how pathetic they are. it fucks up my day.

my latest facebook status update

2010-09-08T01:02:00.000-07:00

"was just hit on by some skater tweens. gtfo of here i was reading and hating 'little women' before you were born"

on tuesday morning, i want the same

2010-09-07T16:37:00.000-07:00

this weekend was pretty good - walking around downtown eating shitty chinese food, drinking beer & doing documentary stuff with cris and esai, making an old latino guy on the bus cry because he was in love with me, drinking in(ish) someone's rooftop pool watching celebratory fireworks from dodger stadium, watching party monster and party monster-related shit at gia's, somehow always being low on cigarettes, drunken night walks in venice, lobster for dinner, reading reading reading, demanding donuts at midnight. yesterday i didn't do too much, and today i ate a chili burger in the cemetery and was yelled at by some guy in a teal mini-van for ruining his graveyard cat photo-op.

uh also i know that last week i was all "boo hoo summer's gone" but OH MY GOD los angeles was so wonderfully gloomy today. be like this forever, i need to know what rain is again

that's what christmas means to me

2010-09-01T23:35:00.000-07:00

today i was told that, basically, the essence of my sexual appeal (lol what) is that i am "nerdy and condescending," which makes me think of what another guy would occasionally tell me, which is that i was "reserved and understated" and that he found my coldness to be attractive, and reflecting upon those two opinions make me think of something jung said in man and his symbols: "we may think we have ourselves under control; yet a friend can easily tell us things about ourselves of which we have no knowledge." well, fuck, apparrrrrrently.

anyway i was looking for lined post-it notes in one of my desk drawers and started looking through some old journals. some choice cuts:

"later, when we were leaving, he said, 'i love that we both see the sadness in things because there's so much of it.' lol what are in american beauty right now?"

"i would love to be a judge on iron chef america. also how fucked up would it be if the secret ingredient one day was salt?"

"life lesson: when people start railing lines of xanax, that's when you know it's time to leave."

"ALSO P.S. i'm on ambien"

Anne Sexton, "Frenzy"

2010-09-01T02:38:00.000-07:00

I am, each day,
typing out the God
my typewriter believes in.

fucked up

2010-09-01T02:17:00.000-07:00

last night i had a dream that the police were accusing me and nine others of murder but for some reason it was no big deal. i remember thinking, "it's chill, i didn't kill anyone so i'll just hang out until they catch the right person." i went to what i thought was the police station but was actually some weird re-arranged version of my room. i could tell they'd been looking through and bagging up some of my stuff. i sat down on the bed and realized that i was on ecstasy (WHAT) and there was nothing i could do about it. i was feeling weird - like i was rolling balls but also like i was going to pass out - and as two cops approached me and one put his hand on my shoulder everything got swirly and started to fade to black and all i could hear was a warped version of the cops laughing - and then i woke up. uh, so, what???

lately i've been reading f. scott and zelda fitzgerald's letters to each other. they're sad, beautiful, funny, ridiculous things and sometimes almost too conscious of the fact that they will eventually be seen by people other than zelda & scott. a line from a letter from september? 1930 that i've thought about a lot today - "you were going crazy and calling it genius - i was going to ruin and calling it whatever was at hand."

did you read summer 2010's issue of artforum? you should have.

Murray Sinclair, Only in L.A.

2010-08-31T02:26:00.000-07:00

I almost had a feeling that I knew the place without having been there before. L.A. had always been that way with me. It was familiar, it belonged in my unconscious, it enthralled me, enticed with all the ambivalence of a dream. Good, bad, indifferent things happened here, but somehow you believed they worked out; and even if they didn't, you kept believing. This city makes you soft and soppy, turns you into mush. Like a star-struck girl with an autograph album, you run amok thinking there's an answer to be found here - all because you've spent too much of your life sitting in the dark. And the big screen begat a small screen, and the small screen begat you.

"i want to see you cry! girls look cute when they cry."

2010-08-31T02:11:00.000-07:00

august is over and i can't believe it means i only have a week left to wear those white pants i've been threatening to get all summer. in a month's time i won't be able to wear sparkly t-shirts that are just long enough as dresses, or drink tall cans and eat elote in the grass in echo park, or hang out with people at noon on a tuesday without hearing about someone's midterm or french assignment or something. peach season? forget about it. bah. i shouldn't write the summer's obit just yet - there's technically a little less than a month of it left. i just have a tendency to get sad about things ending before they're even over.

anyway fuck yeah fest ("fyf fest?" ug nope) is this weekend and even though i was pretty down at the beginning of the summer, i think i'll pass this year. i just got back from a musical festival so i'm over crowds of shitty people, being in the sun for twelve hours straight, and overpriced beer - at least for the moment. i'd much rather see chaplin's the great dictator at the silent movie theatre and eat hot dogs and be kiiiiiinda bummed that i'm not seeing washed out.

speaking of festivals, i really need to get the photos i took at rock the bells developed. i've just been so laaaaaazy. waiting around for an hour while photos from one of the best musical experiences of my life to get developed? fuck that!

woe is me

2010-08-27T18:42:00.000-07:00

went to jake's last night, and after a night of "professional drinking," lenny bruce, and papoose videos, waking up after noon, still drunk, with an elbow in my face, and enduring a journey home rivaling odysseus', the idea of going anywhere at all disgusts me BUT there's a rager tonight and i'm definitely attending

fuck a brain cell

be out of the picture and off of the screen

2010-08-13T10:21:00.000-07:00

last night i was in really low spirits, this morning i had a weird dream (basically i had to have sex with one of my friends while another friend supervised; some other weird shit happened but i can't remember), and today honestly all i want to do is sit in the central library and read poetry and the new issue of esquire. there is some good on the horizon: pregnancy pact is having a show tonight, dmitry comes home this weekend, and rock the bells san francisco is next sunday!

from my drafts, 06/07/10: open letter

2010-08-03T15:06:00.000-07:00

DEAR DMITRY, GEOFF, AND JACKSON,
i love you guys.

i don't even know what inspired me to write that, but awww.

witch haus is such a shitty genre name

2010-08-03T14:39:00.001-07:00

a couple of my friends are in a band called pregnancy pact and they just made a mixtape, makeluv2nite, which you can download here (mixtape artwork by spencario dawson). i posted their 4/20 mixtape a few months ago and they're still as "weird and creepy and wonderful" as they wanna be

dylan thomas, "on poetry"

2010-08-03T09:28:00.000-07:00

I think that there's an inverted snobbery - and a suggestion of bad logic - in being proud of the fact that one's poems sell very badly. Of course, nearly every poet wants his poems to be read by as many people as possible. Craftsmen don't put their products in the attic. And contempt for the public, which is composed of potential readers, is contempt for the profound usefulness of your own craft. Go on thinking that you don't need to be read, and you'll find that it may become quite true: no one will feel the need to read it, because it is written for yourself alone, and the public won't feel any impulse to gate-crash such a private party.

the nights are stronger than moonshine

2010-08-02T18:42:00.000-07:00

i listened to this song a lot today, mostly while drinking beer at echo park lake, watching ducks, and reading dylan thomas' essays on poetry. i really like summer sometimes.

charles bukowski, "more argument"

2010-08-02T00:43:00.000-07:00

Rilke, she said, don't you love
Rilke?
no, I said, he bores me,
poets bore me, they are shits, snails, snippets of
dust in a cheap wind.
Lorca, she said, how about Lorca?
Lorca was good when he was good. he knew how to
sing, but the only reason you like him
is because he was murdered.
Shelley, then, she said, how about Shelley?
didn't he drown in a rowboat?
then how about the lovers? I forget their names...
the two Frenchmen, one killed the
other...
o great, I said, now tell me about
Oscar Wilde.
a great man, she said.
he was clever, I said, but you believe in all these things
for the wrong reason.
Van Gogh, then, she said.
there you go, I said, there you go again.
what do you mean?
I mean that what the other painters of the time said was true:
he was an average painter.
how do you know?
I know because I paid $ 10 to go in and see some of his
paintings. I saw that he was interesting,
honorable, but not great.
how can you say, she asked, all these things about all these people?
you mean, why don't I agree with you?
for a man who is almost starving to death, you talk like some
god-damned sage!
but, I said, haven't all your heroes starved?
but this is different; you dislike everything I like.
no, I said, I just don't like the way you
like them.
I'm leaving, she said.
I could have lied to you, I said, like most
do.
you mean men lie to me?
yes, to get at what you think is holy.
you mean, it's not holy?
I don't know, but I won't lie
to make it work.
be damned with you then, she said.
good night, I said.
she really slammed that door.
I got up and turned on the radio.
there was some pianist playing that same work by
Grieg. nothing changed. nothing
ever changed.
nothing.

---
this poem makes me think of a discussion about literature i had with a friend of mine the other day. we talked about things we liked and disliked about different writers and movements (there was a lot of "i like his poetry more" on my side). at one point he said that there aren't many good women writers ("skirts," the bastard said), and before i could object i realized that my book collection is almost completely devoid of works by women. i know that there are good women writers - zadie smith, katherine mansfield, flannery o'conner, anne sexton - but i rarely read their works unless it's in some sort of collection (edna st. vincent millay seems to be the exception). when it comes to standalone works of fiction and poetry, men win. now i'm wondering - when searching for a book, do i instantly breeze past the sarahs and carols and marys for the ernests and arthurs and roberts? have i been subconsciously sexist this entire time? it makes me kind of sad. most of my favorite creators of any kind of art are men. is this because of numbers - there being no shortage of men making art - or because i am prejudiced in some way against the art women produce? or is it just folly? i'm not sure.

banned?!?!

2010-07-25T19:44:00.000-07:00

last night i went to buckwild gallery for cris' art opening. i was actually really impressed by his work - i'd seen some of the paintings in his studio last week, but for some reason they didn't really affect me as much as when i saw them hung. i'm really proud of him. the opening itself was a lot of fun, too - a lot of friends were there, which meant a lot of laughing, a fair amount of drinking, and some dancing to aretha franklin. there was also a girl there who looked a lot like the singing telegram girl from clue and later i yelled, "is that a tween boy?!" in her general direction, which she probably heard. i was louder than usual last night and i'm pretty sure a lot of people heard my drunken remarks about them. one day someone's going to kick my ass and it will be totally deserved.

also i didn't take this photo, i ganked it from facebook

lastly

2010-07-22T19:18:00.000-07:00

i bought this today, and it's fuckinggg incredible. i highly recommend you buy it if you have any interest in art or comics or really weird shit.

and then saturday

2010-07-22T19:05:00.000-07:00

this dirty old romanian graffiti perv i know, smear, is having an art opening. come if you like golden showers, charles bukowski, and/or striped sweaters (i don't even know)

tonight

2010-07-22T19:04:00.000-07:00

getting my pinot noir on

"the cheese drip is the best part"

2010-07-19T21:49:00.000-07:00

reigning question of the past week, no contest: "is there a bar?" i've asked/been asked this question so many times that it might as well be a text message signature for me and a number of my friends. basically at night i stand around somewhere (art galleries, random apartments, a sidewalk) with a can of cheap beer in my hand, texting geoff every three seconds and going on about whatever, and during the day i read. i started reading a bunch of things all of a sudden. i'm still plodding along with the wealth of nations, plus the best of the world's classics: continental europe ii edited by henry cabot lodge (a copy from 1909 that i apparently got for 35 cents a long time ago), ralph waldo emerson's journals, a short history of cahiers du cinema by emilie bickerton, and some baudelaire for good measure. yeee.

fuck your peppers

2010-07-17T18:05:00.000-07:00

last night i met up with gia, cris, and some of his friends at vlad the retailer to watch cute japanese performance art and eat chocolate teddy grahams and drink simpler times. it was awesome. apparently someone pulled out a gun at the ukranian culture center across the street, causing tons of teens to run outside to stand around calling their dads and bum cigarettes - "i'm so eighteen." after standing around outside of vlad's talking about art and girls for too long we left. some random girl who i'd very briefly discussed four loko with earlier in the night decided to tag along even though none of us knew her. everytime she was out of earshot one of us would go, "whooooooo is she?" and everyone else would shrug but i guess we were all too drunk to actually do anything about it because she went with us to get more beer and potstickers from the korean market and sit around cris' studio. this morning cris, gia, and i got breakfast at angel'z cafe (lol) where gia drank maple syrup and afterward cris gave us a mini bukowski landmark tour. then gia went to work and cris & i drove back across the city and now i'm home and exhausted and hungry but pretty fucking happy

also i'm reading ralph waldo emerson: selected journals 1820-1842 and it's really interesting

real talk

2010-07-14T20:29:00.000-07:00

i feel a bit as though i'm going crazy. i'm going to take a break.

additionally, i'm cutting some people out of my life. i suppose it sucks but at this point i really don't give a fuck.

how i've been feeling lately

2010-07-14T15:02:00.000-07:00

"I was looking for myself and asking everyone except myself questions which I, and only I, could answer."