miss you

it's been in mara's dorm room for over a week and i'm pretty much a shell of my former, turtlenecked self

let me clear my throat

so last night i didn't see daedelus again but instead went to the hammer to chainsmoke, be bored out of my mind by a bunch of short films with annoying music and imagery (children, hearts, robots) and turn into a fucking teenybopper when kanye west walked into the courtyard. also wes anderson may have been there as well but that is unsourced as of yet.

ain't trickin' if you got it

i love living so close to so many great galleries. i can walk south for about ten minutes and be in front of at least a handful of galleries exhibiting some amazing contemporary art, and then walk ten minutes west and see more. it's wonderful - active arts education.

if i don't know you

STOP FUCKING ASKING ME FOR CIGARETTES

for a long time i was all "yeah, sure, help a fool out" but seriously it's gone too far. in a full day of being out and about at least five people i do not know ask me if they can have a cigarette and usually i oblige but now i am fucking done. i am NOT a fucking cigarette dispensary. the worst are the repeats. obviously you can't afford to chainsmoke, so don't, at least not with mine.

to the homies: read the title.

great job!

so last night i saw daedelus, post-foetus, intricate machines, and free the robots at out of asia. i can't remember the last time i so thoroughly enjoyed an entire line-up of acts; all of them were really good. oh, but daedelus. motherfucking daedelus. godDAMN his set was good. i've never danced as much - or as hard - at any other moment in my life. anyone that samples "is you rollin?" and "god only knows" and makes me dance my fucking ass off to it needs that whole islamic martyr 72 virgin deal and about a million awards. he's also playing at low end theory on wednesday, with nosaj thing, but i'm having second thoughts about going because the crowd and the vibe is going to be so different. at out of asia there were a bunch of kids - yes, and some flannel shirts - that somehow stopped being self-conscious and just ended up letting loose and dancing and having a good time. the low end theory crowd is going to be older, and even though there's still going to be dancing there's going to be a whole lot of posturing. i don't know if i'm down. of course the best answer to all of this is go and have a good time and dgaf about everyone else. anyway i just went on for way too long about i don't even know what.

p.s. not watching the oscars

fashun memoriezzz

OH MY GOD do you remember when there were a bunch of skinny white girls running around wearing long strands of fake pearls and abercrombie & fitch (i call it the "westchester")? this was like 2003/2004. that was so good.

i just saw a bum wearing pearls and it reminded me of that

overheard at coffee bean

"we could go to roxbury park."
"DUUUUUDE let's go to roxbury park. that's where i broke my nose when i was on acid and thought i was captain planet...did i tell you about that?"

never going to roxbury park again

(though i have had some good times there. like when a group of us ditched class, got jamba juice, and sang "all by myself" creepily behind a statue to a latino man wearing a child's superman backpack. did i tell you about that?)

(also this was during the period of my life when i sang "all by myself" to lonely-looking strangers)

OH MY GOD THIS IS THE FUNNIEST SHIT I'VE EVER SEEN

sometimes "graffiti artists" are dumbass black-hoodied high school boys sitting in their chemistry class carving something on the underside of their desks but sometimes they are fucking brilliant (i don't know if you can see it or not but that's "oh yea" in the speech bubble)

and more again

so after maybe two or three summers i have taken my holga (LOLOLOL) off the shelf with the intent of using it. it took me about forty-five minutes to fix everything - basically putting everything back in the fucking camera - and find the film spool butttttttt it's up and running now, with some 35mm film because i decided to be a crafty bitch and put in a modification. remember a few months ago when i was all "I NEED A HOBBY" and started taking photographs except i never got anything developed? yeah good times man.

GONNA GET MY YOGA ON

meet me at the gym, it's goin' down
(any mat you meet me guaranteed to go down)

forever ailing

still sick, still bruised. who the fuck did i catch this from? some indie-skank probably sneezed in my shirley temple at the echo on thursday. this is some bullshit - i am SO TIRED of soup and daytime television. at least now i can leave my house for more than fifteen minutes without wanting to fall over. i'd like to think of that as progress but it's really almost like praising your 27-year-old son for not smoking weed in the living room, i.e. it's no big deal and kind of sad.

tonight's installment of "i only watch movies when i'm sick"

p.s. i just found out that you can bruise your ribs from coughing excessively and believe me, so much is explained.

another post about some shit only i care about

"when roosevelt did this, he put our country into a great depression...he tried to borrow and spend, he tried to use the keynesian approach, and our country ended up in a great depression. that's just history."
- congressman steve austria on fdr being responsible for the great depression (...nope.)

UG FUCK okay this is why we should elect politicians based on intelligence and ability and rather than personality or if they've ever been divorced or any of the other completely asinine reasons why voters make their choices. i don't even like fdr but come the fuck on. the years don't even match up.

qualmz

1. i never want to meet another white person "obsessed" with japanese culture and the sad part is that i'm bound to meet at least twenty in this year alone. i mean, japan is tight, but honestly i don't care how much you like green tea or sushi or socks with sandals or whatever.
2. if you ask to bum a cigarette from me, and i oblige, and you proceed to tell me that you "only smoke when [you're] drunk" and i've noticed that you've been smoking (other people's) cigarettes all night that will be the last cigarette you ever bum from me. way to be a punk bitch and be either in denial or too cheap to buy your own cigarettes.

sloppy joe on a krispy kreme donut

more ridiculousness (something about the gravy-covered pizza is especially ridiculous to me) at the aptly-named this is why you're fat.

public service announcement

okay, listen: if you're out with your friend and you're both fat and wearing purple, one of you needs to change or zip up your jacket or something because that shit is not okay

true life: i'm sick

believe the hype (title?): i'm sick. so i'm home, sleepily watching true life and drinking tea. i wanted to go to a house party/show (tweak bird, halloween swim team, bad parentsssss) but yeah fucking right. my head would have exploded. today has been full of coughing, napping, soup, tea, and getting splitting headaches while watchingharold and maude. but anyway tea has been a lifesaver. how do people live without it? basically what i'm saying is that the colonists were fucking crazy (see: boston tea party). that was uncalled for. real talk, though, i remember reading in elementary school that british authorities were basically like "exorbitant taxes, whatever! who's going to be crazy enough to give up their daily cups of tea!" and being amused. like, wtf? it's not heroin.

...or was it? new episode of history's mysteries?

can someone be aggressively passive-aggressive? yeah, i think so.

note: spend more time convincing yourself. apparently it isn't working.

from the economist

"the senate modified the 'buy american' part of the stimulus package (which america's trade partners say is protectionist and could lead to a trade war) by inserting a clause promising to abide by america's international obligations."

okay, fuck protectionism, but also, "international obligations?" fuck that noise.

ha

a daily copy of the los angeles times is seventy-five cents now, and apparently it's been that way since january 13th. the fuck? fifty cents was too much to pay for that shit. honestly guys just find a starbucks or a newsstand, add two quarters to that, and get a new york times.

i love my city and i'm full of civic pride despite all the haters, but the los angeles times is one thing i can NOT get down with. the reporting and the photography are so uninteresting and childish compared to thenew york times. los angeles, for a city of its size and supposed importance, should have a better civic newspaper, because that shit is not cutting it. and the constant drops in readership show it.

p.s. i dgaf if you think the godfather is overrated

you know how sometimes you read something and upon repeat readings it proves to be more insightful than perhaps even the author realized? that's kind of how i feel about mark cousins' remark about the godfather triology: "what rembrandt would have made, if he had made movies." i've been thinking about it all day.

i should note that i'm reading a book about movies and i don't even watch them. suck it, richard t. kelly.

this is for mara: a ton of dudez complimented me on my hat today, including this one really nice ~older gentleman~ at the indian food bar at whole foods. venice/santa monica loves the hat, it's official.

oh and ryan and i pretty much figured out that if yogurtland let me smoke inside i'd never leave.

so for the past 20 minutes i've been unintentionally following this guy around barnes & noble. i actually yelled, "fuck!" the last time i turned a corner and he was there. now i'm hiding out in the b&n café hoping he doesn't come over here and confront me. i wish i had handcuffs so i could be like "yeah you're under arrest for tax evasion" or something.

also barnes & noble has a joy divison record in stock and i am sooooo tempted but i don't want to support them slanging vinyl now, you know? but i'm so tempted.

why is it that large groups of azn - read: azn, not asian, there's a big difference - give me a headache? too much squealing, camera flash, taking three years to order caramel machiattos and standing in my way.

so i bought ten bad dates with de niro: a book of alternative movie lists and it's so good.

denial

i love how on for the love of ray j - lolllllllllllll this show - the only ray j song that's ever played is "sexy can i." it's like, fool don't act like "wait a minute" didn't happen.

come on come on

i'm listening to the cheap trick record i borrowed from ron. no one's home so it's loud as hell. it's so good.

i hung out with ron and liana yesterday, which is weird because i don't think it's ever been just the three of us kicking it, and also i haven't hung out with liana in i don't know how long. that was good. i got my souplantation on and created the best salad i've ever made there. i looked for shoes that i guess i'll never find. i went to dinner with ryan afterwards and then we sat at cacao until two in the morning. i met some guy at benito's that wants to name his future daughter london. i have mixed feelings about that.

i feel really weird today. kind of shitty. it's like that line in that allen ginsberg poem - "i'm crying all the time now." i wish i wasn't a fucking geyser. i feel sorry for my friends, but mostly ron because he deals with the bulk of it. i had an awful sleep. i hate feeling like this and being home just listening to records because somehow it depresses me more. and i've got this giant hoodie on that i am seriously considering wearing today, if that's telling in any way. maybe converses too.

april is the cruellest month

i don't know why i'm awake at seven a.m. but i am and i don't like it. my stomach feels kind of bad and it's probably because i consumed a pretty weird combination of things last night, including some late-night bacon that ron so generously prepared for me. so now i'm sitting here with an uncomfortable feeling in my stomach and kings of leon stuck in my head, thinking about how yesterday was totally weird but not exactly in a good way. i can't really describe it but there was a random chain of events, some good and some...not so good. oh shit! i just remembered part of my dream! basically ron was reciting from t.s. eliot's "the wasteland" which was really confusing to dream-me because, well, ron? t.s. eliot? poetry? it was really interesting.

hm i just realized that none of this makes sense (probably) but keep in mind that it's too early and i'm kind of hungover, or something.

you're in love with the game

i'm listening to my bloody valentine and drinking my third cup of tea. i also feel kind of nauseous but i don't think it's related to either my bloody valentine or the tea. today was mediocre - i looked for books and shoes and found neither. i really don't want it to be spring. i feel like so much has happened and changed this winter and the fact that life is going to be happening in the spring and in the warmth is weird to me. it's almost as if the cold was a character, and it's slowly being written off the show.

strictly for my l.a.d.i.e.s.

$ i am in love with vickery & clarke lip balm. i might like it more than malin + goetz (!)
$ i bought like 20 pairs of the world's laciest underwear
$ i need new shoes and maaaaaaaybe a pair of sunglasses
$ birth control is making me realllllllly emotional
$ i am SO TIRED of these little white poodle/terrier/what-fucking-ever mixed dogs and every time i see one sticking it's head out of a car window or at the end of a rhinestone leash i want to stomp it the fuck out with my ferragamos
$ i feel like baking pies

i'm at farmer's market and these old guys appeared out of nowhere with a fucking tray of in-n-out and i'm so confused

things i have realized in the past few days

1. i am probably not emotionally ready to date someone right now, or ever.
2. i will never be satisfied with my friends.
3. i should go back to school.
4. i am not ready for warm days.

throwback

i'm about to play some grand theft auto: san andreas

would the stars melt down to a waxen pool?

so last night ryan and i went to the calvin johnson show, and it was great. we got there a few acts before his, and we were walking past one of the merch tables on our way outside to have a cigarette, and lo and behold, it's calvin johnson, standing behind a table of k-shield pins and mix tapes (that are dope, by the way - they sell them at ooga booga). he looks pretty much the same, aside from a little weight gain. i don't think he's changed his haircut since he was twenty. anyway his set was amazing - he played all of my favorite solo jamz and closed out the set with "can we kiss?" which is exactly what i wanted to happen. it was wonderful. that's all i had to hear, really. being there was almost surreal - it's weird seeing one of the most influential people in your musical life kneeling a few feet in front of you, listening to some mom doing a noise cover of "amazing grace." i expected more people to be there, but there were only about thirty kids. it was better that way. all in all it was a really good show. ryan didn't enjoy it as much as i did but he said it was better than he expected. he said calvin's voice seems to have "mellowed with age." i agree. he sounded great. didn't use a mic, either.

what up concert afterglow

lol the super bowl

tonight calvin johnson is playing at the smell and i'm so fucking excited. he and beat happening were such a big part of my ninth and tenth grade years. i hope he plays "can we kiss?" low key i might cry if he does.

a headline on the front page of today's los angeles times (ug): "cia retains power to abduct." basically the oft-criticized rendition program - in short, kidnapping and relocating "terrorists" or other threats to u.s.-friendly countries - is being kept and possibly expanded. kind of a lame terror-fighting tool. i miss waterboarding already.

edit at 4:56p: i'm eating ribs. i guess i'm still a dude. but i'm watching cheaters and not the super bowl so is it overriden?