oui, alors?

yesterday was my birthday. i ate more meat at dinner than i've consumed all month.

i did it all for the nookie

yesterday i baked a blackberry-raspberry pie while being driven crazy by a group of stoned teenagers. today i am making strawberry shortcake and hopefully there will be fewer stoned teenagers all up in my way.

oh wow i just drank too much coffee. feelin' grosssss

ya get skeeted on

cheyne, mara & i went to palm springs yesterday to meet up with maggie, ian, and kat and it took five fucking hours. traffic was horrible but we went to the first in-n-out ever and mara & i played "lemonade tycoon" on my ipod so it wasn't that bad.

gotcha feelin' loose

the past handful of days have been really good. i gush over slavoj žižek, hide from people i don't want to talk to at coffee bean, eat either pizza or sushi, chainsmoke and laugh at ridiculous shit with my friends, get drunk somewhere at some point later, and go to bed at five in the morning. oh, and there's also lots of unnecessary driving going on.

last night mara's little brother drew threw a party for some kid's birthday and it was basically the front lawn of hamilton high school after school is over, except magically in his backyard. there were so many kids. everyone i knew - the ones not still in high school - was trying to piss off as many of these kids as they could. i reprimanded a kid for not knowing how to use a chair, daniel and xander tried to play basketball while there was a crowd of people of the court, and aurora took her shirt off (which seems harmless but apparently that offended a ton of people). the best part, though, is mara, ryan, adam, and i trying to get some teens off of mara's front lawn. a lot of things were yelled but after i told the asian guy with the weird hair to talk to me after he took off his fedora it pretty much turned into a fashion fight. he told me that i was wearing a jc penny blouse (LOLOLOLOLOL), told adam that he was wearing a tank top - no wait, a baby tee, and yelled at mara for wearing socks. then mara said something about his $35 karmaloop t-shirt (fucking brilliant). then the chubby bitch in the black started talking again, more arguing ensued, and then shortly thereafter it nearly turned into a giant fucking brawl between the guys i knew and the annoying high school babies. nothing ended up happening. there was just this really restless energy amongst the older people at the party that needed to be released via shit-talking and pseudo-fighting. so yeah, that was my night. my night with my jc penny's blouse.

i actually forgot about all of that this morning but i'm eating breakfast in mara's living room reading teen vogue and i just saw a photo of some girl and thought, "who the fuck wears american eagle to a teen vogue event?" and that brought it back.

i got this idea from mara's blog: the smells that remind me of summer 2008

$ bumble & bumble styling creme
$ nat sherman fantasias
$ absolutely pho-bulous at four p.m.
$ new books + transphusion energy drinks

so: bad brains has taken over my life, i still don't sleep well, i drink a green machine everyday, i alternate between smoking most of a pack or two cigarettes a day, my eating habits follow that same pattern - continuous binging or a few snacks, i still wear a sweater or medium-weight cardigan everyday even though it's pretty much summer, i've consumed too many warm gin & tonics (blehhh), i ruin every pair of shoes i buy, and i'm excited for things to come even though i have absolutely no idea what exactly there is to look forward to.

my blog is turning into a series of blurbs but

there is something so wonderful about smoking a cigarette outside, alone, at night.

story of my day

my eyes are so red right now HOLY SHIT

last night

i ate too many biscuits, trampolined, and drank whiskey & coke and talked about "smell yo dick" ~irl~ in a silverlake garage until four in the morning. i had a good night.

absolutely nothing has been working out lately. the hardest part is not knowing why.

gun in the sun

i went to the silver platter again last night. i had a good time, even when lily, bryce, geoff & i were combing some random damp triangular park at 2 in the morning looking for bryce's glasses. today i got my salad on for lunch and later lily & i biked to toby & chris' house. our relationship is approaching unhealthy - for instance, it's becoming weird if we do things without each other, even it's as banal as getting a smog check. but anyway, fuck that bike ride. the ride there wasn't too bad but there was this awful hot wind on the ride back and stuff kept flying in my eyes and the sun was just like HEY GUYS CAN I KICK IT whenever we went west. then we attempted to get indian food with jackson & antonio, couldn't find parking, and went to sushi mac instead. p.s. i am never eating the soft crab roll again! oh and i'm going to calarts tomorrow, the last weekend i'll be there for some months as the semester ends on the fifteenth. according to marley and the fortune she told me (lol seven year olds), i'm going to be a famous artist so it's good that all the weekends i spend at calarts being a low-key dance major and art ~literature~ piling up in my room are going to be good for something in the future.

ask my nigga pharrel

so sunday ended up being really good, as i had resolved. lily, antonio, jackson & i baked a cake. it ended up being a pretty ugly cake but it tasted great. we transported it to rancho park and ate it on some tables near the weakest barbeque ever. there were seriously like five persians smoking cigarettes around a pit, grilling the sorriest looking sausages. i can pretty much assure you that at least one of them was drunk and none of them were having fun. fast forward a few hours: lily, antonio & i went to noodle planet, but not before we had a nice throwback jam session that centered on usher's song "you don't have to call," which in retrospect is actually a lot more apt that i had previously thought it to be. today i was somehow convinced by lily that taking her giant crazy dogs on a hike through runyon canyon was a good idea and ended up tired, dusty, and covered in dog slobber. the plus side, however - i discovered the bean dip i would marry if i could ever marry a bean dip. i am seriously in love. some hours later, changed and american beauty'd, a group of us went to the stand for dinner where i ate a hot dog that fell apart after two bites. then lily & i searched for a former classmate-cum-somebody's baby's daddy on the internet to no avail. oh did i mention that several times this weekend i eschewed social interactions to re-read maus i & ii for the first time since i wrote that book report on them in eighth grade? basically i chose the holocaust over going to a party or talking to my friends. yeah!

i guess this is hick weekend or something because yesterday i watched a television program about moonshine and today i'm watching one straight-up called "hillbilly." i'm really interested in the subject but i CAN NOT deal with the stupid hokey accents of the narrators. it's so unnecessary.

i've decided that today, after yesterday's panic attack and all-around bullshit, will be a better day, even if i do nothing but sit on my ass reading artforum and smoking cigarettes.

p.s. the narrator was billy ray cyrus

your diary's looking like the bible

i still feel weird from last night. too much too soon, i guess? i'm just glad i didn't drink shitty alcohol (lol popov) because i suspect i'd be feeling a lot worse right now.

also i've worn my red cape everyday this week after lily noted that i look like one of those little kids that wears their halloween costume everyday. i mean, i'm down.

SOMETHING REALLY DEPRESSING THAT I REALIZED THIS MORNING: i can sort of navigate around valencia oh noooooooooo

god all i want right now is ice cream and cigarettes